The Man of Gods


Look at them all, sitting in their comfortable houses, safe, warm, dry. The Gods didn’t like it. People were just too secure. No matter how hard they rolled The Dice, hardship rarely befell these lazy beings.

Retribution was required. They came up with a plan, gathered their multitudinous powers and agreed to act.

Above the unknowing slackers, the heavens boiled and twisted. Dearest Zeus was about to throw down a bolt of energy when a rather minor God coughed.

‘You can’t do that Zeus, it’s against Health and Safety’.

‘What! No smiting?’.

‘Er, no, Sir’.

‘Gods be demmed! What has the heavens come to!’. Exclaimed his worshipfulness.

‘How about a little scorching?’ He proffered.

‘No, none of that either’. The minor God shifted uncomfortably. ‘Fire regs Sir’.

Hades piped up ‘A jolly good quake will do it surely’. Full of confidence, he readied his mighty sceptre to cause havoc.

‘Wait!’ Said the Godsworth, shuffling through a little book. ‘Sorry, there’s a clause for that too.

‘Blast it! No wonder they’re all living a life of luxury down there.

The Gods gathered around the minor God and Athena snatched the little book away. They pored over it for five minutes whilst the clouds continued to boil and twist.

Several times a triumphant fist broke the knot of concentration only to be drawn back into the huddle.

At last, they broke.

‘So’. Declared Zeus ‘They all like televised entertainment’. Grunts and nods of agreement rippled through the crowd of godliness.

‘Then we shall invest in a plague of such inestimable horror that no man shall survive!’. The minor God hurriedly scanned his returned book to find a rule to overcome the potential suggestion.

‘Tell us how we might punish Man’. The Gods all chimed.

‘Hush, hush, settle down’. Zeus placated the fevered mood. ‘We will make them suffer beyond anything they’ve ever suffered for 100 years or more!’.

‘We will send them……..’


‘We will send them, Bruce Forsyth!’ Zeus collapsed with the horror of the statement. The other Gods fell silent, knowing the power that Zeus had unleashed.

The minor God, rapidly warming to the idea ventured ‘Nice to see you, to see you…’

The other Gods replied in unison ‘NICE!’. And the deed was done.

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