No man’s plan

copyright-erin-leary

The dawn came slowly, it’s watery gaze scrutinizing the land, revealing it’s secrets and chasing the night away.

A bull frog called for a mate somewhere in the distance and myriad clouds of flies began to gather and make the most of their short lives.

Then the artillery barrage started up, shattering the innocent scene and shaking private Dodds from his bleary eyed dreaming. All around him men stirred, gathered their rifles, fixed bayonets and waited in nervous anticipation, officers and enlisted men alike.

Then whistles blew up and down the front line. This lads, was it.

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14 Responses to No man’s plan

  1. elmowrites says:

    I love the description you pile into this, building each paragraph one onto the other. There are a few punctuation typos (eg: it’s for its, “this, lads, was it”) which could be fixed on a close read-through but the feel of the piece was all there.

    • Thank you elmo, my efforts at punctuation just goes to show how an ‘O’ level in English doesn’t mean too much 🙂 I stand by not having a comma after ‘This’ though as it reflects the way I said it in my head, without a noticeable pause.

  2. Sandra says:

    Very atmospheric, enjoyed it.

  3. atrm61 says:

    Loved the contrast-a unique take on the prompt:-)Great job!

  4. A scenic route with this prompt. I like the thought of the flies making the most of their lives.

  5. Really, really good. Nan

  6. Dear Kelley,

    You put me there in the moment with PVT Dodds, nervous about the ensuing battle. Well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  7. Pingback: Friday Fictioneers – Discount Tour | The Blurred Line

  8. Very good and a departure from the usual.

  9. liz young says:

    i felt like I was there.

  10. Timely piece for the 100 years since 1914. Keep writing.

  11. erinleary says:

    Lovely story – you may want to capitalize ‘private’ as it’s a title. Nicely done!

  12. Thank you all for your comments, I’ll leave it unedited so they make sense to any new reader and I appreciate the chance to learn a little as we go 🙂

  13. Pingback: Thank You Kelly! | Being the Memoirs of Helena Hann-Basquiat, Dilettante.

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